The Magic Post-regeneration Super Bits
by SCWLC
Summary: The Doctor regenerated for Rose. In more ways than one. Crackfic.


Title: The Magic Post-regeneration Super Bits

Author: SCWLC

Disclaimer: If you recognise it, I don't own it.

Summary: The Doctor regenerated for Rose. In more ways than one.

Notes: So, this is a bit of a trope in Doctor Who fic, which I have taken to calling the 'magic vibrator penis trope'. This is something you see in a few fics, bluedawn's Blue series (which if you are a Doctor/Rose 'shipper and you haven't read it, you should go read it now) being only one example. Basically, we know the Doctor's not human, so logically his penis isn't human either. And if you're going to write smut, you might as well make his alien bits as fun for Rose as you can. I've seen a 'rabbit' clitoral stimulator and a variety of things that separate off the erection for extra stimulation. The point is, sometimes it's basically written as though the Doctor's bits are custom built to please a human woman. So, running with the notion that the Doctor regenerated in order to please Rose, I've written this bit of smut. Also, the timeline of the series may have been . . . massaged a bit. Just a bit.

Notes 2: THIS IS RAMPANT SILLINESS. DO NOT TAKE IT SERIOUSLY.

* * *

Though neither Rose nor the Doctor could have guessed at the time, it all started with Rose's twentieth birthday present.

Keisha and Shareen had slipped it to her right before she'd left with the Doctor, telling her that she'd need it if she and her northern bloke really weren't going at it like rabbits. It had got quite a bit of use since its arrival. Between Jack and his innuendo, the Doctor being the Doctor and all the adrenaline, there had been a lot of time to play around with all the functions. She'd been giving it a good cleaning off and changing the batteries when she was interrupted by the Doctor being impatient and dragging them off on another adventure.

She found the Doctor in the hallway, just outside her room, looking at it quizzically. "Do you know what this is, Rose? I found it on the floor outside your room."

Just her luck that Jack appeared as she answered. "It's my vibrator, Doctor. Would you give it back, please?"

"Really?" Jack swept in and snatched it away, looking it over with an apparently expert eye. The Doctor looked appalled and vaguely concerned by the whole affair. "Interesting. So," he prodded at one lump. "G-spot stimulator?"

The thing about Jack, was that he wasn't the least bit coy or precious about sex, and it meant that talking about it was somehow less a matter of giggles and whispers, and more just the same sort of conversation you'd have with a mate about which were your favourite roller coasters at an amusement park or what made a good action flick. "Yeah," Rose said. "Shareen and Keisha spent a lot on it, actually. See, there's the rabbit bit-"

"Clitoral stimulator?" Jack interrupted to ask.

"Yeah," she said. "It's sort of got everything on it. Shareen thought I should have the best. 'Sbetter than the ones that're supposed to look like the real thing, 'cause those don't come with the extras, yeah?"

Jack nodded. "I don't think I've seen a better design, actually. I mean, the power source is a little primitive, but that's a really nice one." He turned his full shagadelic grin on her and asked, "I don't suppose you'd be up to sharing playtime with your toy, would you?"

"No, she would not!" the Doctor snapped. "You humans and your mating rituals. Come on," he added, snatching it up and flinging it through Rose's bedroom door with distaste. "There's a lovely spot on Vidalia minor, makes fantastic onion rings."

"Like Vidalia onions?" Rose asked.

The Doctor aimed that mad grin at her that made her knees wobble. "S'how it got the name. Best place in the universe to grow onions," he told them.

They ran off to have more adventures, and Rose forgot, for the most part, about the conversation about the super-fancy vibrator, although the item itself got a lot of use.

* * *

The Doctor sighed as he headed into the Wardrobe, looking for a new outfit. The last thing he'd thought clearly as the regeneration energies had taken hold was that he turn into the right man for Rose. He'd wanted it so badly, and now she was skittish as a nervous horse around him.

Younger, check. Prettier, check. Fantastic hair, check. Speech patterns like hers, check. Funner and lighter, check.

She'd asked him to change back.

Also, he was feeling a little . . . off kilter down below. He'd never worried overmuch about his . . . erm . . . masculine equipment, but this was a little more significant in size than he was used to. Felt a little odd as well.

Once he was safely ensconced behind a screen to start looking through the options he'd picked for himself, the Doctor pulled back the waistband of his pants and took a good look at the one bit of him that felt truly strange.

"Blimey," he said as he took in the new shape of the bits therein.

His eyes widened as it stiffened right up, the thought that he'd definitely regenerated into the right man for Rose in one way at least whispering through his mind.

"Two heads indeed," he muttered before giving some carefully calculated thought to making the crotch of his trousers just a smidgen bigger on the inside to go with the pockets.

* * *

It was right after Queen Victoria had decided they should be banished from England forever that it happened. They'd been discussing where to go next now that the Doctor had proved once again that he'd clearly failed whatever driver's courses there were for TARDISes, when it just sort of happened. Rose had been leaning in closer and closer and the Doctor had been playing with her fingers and it just sort of happened, the snogging.

The Doctor was clutching Rose close, his fingers massaging her bum, his very, very agile tongue doing wonderful things inside her mouth, while Rose was simply clinging to the Doctor like a limpet, something he encouraged by hoisting her up to wrap her legs around his hips while he made his way into the door that had conveniently placed itself right at the entrance to the console room.

It was all in dark wood and red silk and velvet, fireplace with a gorgeous fur rug in front of it and beautiful paintings of romantic sunsets and a ceiling that opened onto a starry night sky.

Neither Rose nor the Doctor noticed (the TARDIS was a little miffed, she'd gone to a lot of effort to get it all right) because he was fervently involved in peeling Rose out of her top and that sexy little denim thing she was wearing, and Rose was trying to unbutton his shirt and get at some of the skin she knew he had under there somewhere.

Still, she felt a niggling concern about the way that the Doctor was all over her, sounding enthusiastic, making all the right sounds and groans and moans and whimpers, everything he was doing was just right, but for some reason there was absolutely no action coming from his crotch.

"Doctor?" she asked between frantic kisses. "Are you . . . do you not . . . mmph." It was so hard to think of the right thing to say while he was licking at her breasts that way.

"What?" he asked, finally raising his head.

"Huh? Oh." It took Rose a moment to shake off the wonderfully heady dazed feeling he'd been giving her with his ministrations. "It's just, a human bloke'd be hard by now, and you're . . . not," she said, cupping the front of his trousers.

He made a choked noise, his hips bucking sharply into her hand. "Trousers're . . . ah! Oh Rose." He nuzzled at her neck a moment before pulling himself together to fumble out. "Bigger on the inside."

That was interesting enough that Rose tackled him to the bed and hastily tugged the pinstripes off his legs along with his socks and plimsolls, then biting her lip in anticipation, tugged his pants down. What she saw made her jaw drop.

"Doctor?" she asked, voice trembling a little in sudden worry. "Your . . . your bits. They . . . erm . . . is there something I need to know?"

The Doctor looked down, then at Rose, then sighed. "Rose, when I regenerated, you remember how I said it was a dodgy process?"

"Yeah," she replied, unsure where he was heading with this.

"Sometimes it can be controlled a bit. I hadn't normally tried all that hard, but this time . . ." he paused, then glanced away. "Iwassortofthinkingofyou."

"What?" Rose leaned over, pulling him around to look at her. "Slower, please. It can't be that bad."

"I was thinking about you," he said. "And I might've been thinking about that vibrator you have," he added.

Rose's eyes went wide, her hands sliding down to cup the erection that had flagged a little during the brief interlude. A few strokes and his hips were jerking in time with her hands. Then Rose leant over and he whimpered as he felt her breath ghost over his length. "So this," her tongue slid over a little prong coming off at the base, making his head fall back at the sensation. "Is like the rabbit ears for my clit?"

"Pro-probably," he gasped.

"And this," her lips closed around a distended little extension partway down, sucking a moment, prompting it to make a rhythmic, circular stroking motion, and the Doctor to clutch at Rose's head desperately. "This is for my g-spot, right?"

Words were beyond him. "Uh-huh," he grunted.

His whole cock was pulsating in little bursts, the small, hard bumps that covered the whole surface were rising and falling, a texture that had Rose fascinated with the possibilities they offered. "And these are like that little rotating bit with the-"

He couldn't stand it anymore and flipped them over, interested in examining Rose's bits. She was very wet and very ready, and he decided that he could spend more time seeing how she tasted next time. As he sank into her, he felt all his new little bits and pieces on his cock begin to move, and Rose wrapped herself around him, clinging and moaning his name over and over again.

It had been a long time for him, and as he thrust in and out, he hoped all those new parts were doing the jobs they were supposed to, because he was going to orgasm any second now.

The new bits were definitely doing their jobs. Rose had thought once that the vibrator was better than sex with a regular bloke, because it was designed to make her feel good, while blokes just kind of had something that didn't do all the work, and if they weren't any good, they didn't do the rest, leaving you all unsatisfied. The Doctor's cock was brilliant, she decided. The part at the base sliding around her clit perfectly on every thrust, something like a finger, only broader and a little softer and just perfect stroking at her deep inside, and all those little bumps swelling and shrinking along her walls, it was all fantastic and perfect and she came so fast it made her head spin.

The Doctor followed right after, collapsing on top of Rose with a grunt, then rolling off her and pulling her close. "That was brilliant," he murmured.

"Mmm. It really was," she agreed.

They cuddled together, basking. "I love you," he said, the words flying out before he even realised he was going to say them.

"Love you too, Doctor," Rose told him with a smile, kissing him sweetly. Then she yawned. "Sorry."

Smiling tenderly at her, he said, "Why don't you have a kip. I'll be here when you wake up."

"'Kay," she said, snuggling into his arms. He settled in to enjoy the time with her curled up with him, eyes closed, contemplating life, the universe and the everything that was Rose.

The Doctor's eyes snapped open a moment later as he felt Rose gently pat the base of his penis and mutter something that seemed aimed toward his crotch. "Love _you_ too."

"Did you just tell my penis you love it!?"


End file.
